Dear Maneka Gandhi
When a male teacher can explain the reproductive system to both male and female students of class, can a father not explain what a menstrual cycle is to his daughter? Is this such big an issue that you deprive a man the love of a daughter?
I was very happy till recently. I had a fancy car, a fairly healthy bank balance, a good looking girlfriend and a house of my own. What else did I want? Well, according to my parents I desperately needed to get married before the few silver linings on my head turn absolutely grey. So one fine day in a typical melodramatic way, my father said “who will look after all this property if you don’t have a child?” There it was. They were never bothered about getting me a companion, a partner whom I could spend the rest of my “adventurous” life with, for them it was all about the heir. So then started the typical Punjabi tear-shedding moments. My aunt even said, “A dog can never replace a child,” pointing towards the pug that I had recently bought. The dog was clueless about the comparison and kept licking my feet.
To be honest, I really was not interested in marriage but I wanted a child. Maybe, because I am in my late 30s and my fatherly instincts were taking over. Or the fact that all friends my age were fathers could be a reason. Anyways, one fine day, I decided to talk to my parents. I entered their room filled with relatives, “I will adopt a girl child,” I said and knowing the repercussions of the statement, darted out of the room. I could hear murmurs translate into horrific screams.
Next, I headed to my lawyer, who on realising I wanted to adopt a girl child behaved as if he had seen an alien. After good five minutes he said, “If you want a child, get married. You are young and I am sure you can consummate. But let me tell you, according to law, you cannot adopt a girl child. Only a single mother or couples who cannot have children can.”
I called my lawyer after reaching home with a solution. “Surrogacy?” I yelled over the phone. “Not possible, only married couples can go in for surrogacy in India,” he said. Not trusting him, I read up the laws. He was right. In India, a single male can under no circumstances adopt a girl child. I mean we live in a country where since 1991, 80 per cent of districts in India have recorded a declining sex ratio with the state of Punjab being the worst. Maharashtra, Gujarat, Punjab, Himachal Pradesh and Haryana have recorded a more than 50 point decline in the child sex ratio in this period.
Such a country should encourage adoption of girl child. I mean, till when can we be forced to marry to have a child, or for that matter even to have sex. Half the population near my village pays regular visit to Thailand before they are married, and the courageous ones, even after they are married.
While having a drink with a friend, he said, “Girls have their issues that can only be addressed by mothers, maybe that’s the reason why do not allow single males to adopt.” I found this one of the most hilarious arguments. When a male teacher can explain the reproductive system to both male and female students of class, can a father not explain what a menstrual cycle is to his daughter? Is this such big an issue that you deprive a man the love of a daughter? That he cannot have the pleasure of seeing his toddler wearing his over-grown shirt? That he cannot be jealous when another man enters her life and gains equal importance as him? Why on earth does one need to get married for these pleasures? As much as my folks, and many others, might freak out on this, but the love of your life and having a child are two different things, and I am not mixing the two.
I live in a country where child labour is rampant. Where a girl’s birth is considered a burden, where the last morsel is given to the over-fed male child rather than the starving girl, in such a country Ms Gandhi, it is very difficult to fathom that adopting a child by a single father is not legal. Like a child needs a mother, a father too is of equal, if not of more importance.
(The views expressed in the article are that of author and do not reflect the editorial policies of this website.)
